pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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