I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
