My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
