I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize