You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
