She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize