I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
