We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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