The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize