At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
