he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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