my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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