im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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