Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
