forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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