Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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