We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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