What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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