Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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