I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize