If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we should paint friendship bongs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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