I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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