dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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