Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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