When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
