don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
