tell your sister to shave her snatch
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
