I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
