Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
