508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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