I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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