I'm gonna have a badass scar
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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