It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
