They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
