alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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