his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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