sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
