I feel like abortions should bother me more
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
