Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
