Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
