We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
