i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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