You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
