Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
