If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
