i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
