Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
