What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
