The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
