We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
