i love accidental penises.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
