I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
