I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
