So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
