remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
