Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
