I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
