just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize