What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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