piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
