Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
