so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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