It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
