I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
