Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
