someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
