We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
