ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
