Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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