there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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