when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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