hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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