Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
