you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
