Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you traded sex for a burrito?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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