Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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