sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
