apparently the secret to your success is patron
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
