i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
